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Certain things were easier when we were young: getting ready for a party didn’t involve numerous black-skirt versus blue-dress dilemmas as chances are you only owned one party dress, complete with requisite shiny black party shoes. Calories weren’t yet invented, or at least didn’t feature in our pre-pubescent minds, and the most harm our beverage of choice could cause was an e-number induced burst of hyperactivity, rather than a Sunday spent clutching one’s head in pain while being stricken with horrible flashbacks to ill advised drunken behaviour.

And boys. Boys were definitely easier, even if also a little odd, gross or just plain weird. It was easy to figure out if they liked you – they’d hit you – and easy to figure out if they didn’t – they’d just ignore you. The most beautifully simplistic part was actually going out with one of them. Relationships could begin with the definitive chat-up line: “my mate fancies you”, normally uttered by a mate carefully selected to be less attractive than you were, thus avoiding the hazard that they’d be the one to get the boy. Dating didn’t exist, people simply became boyfriend and girlfriend, obliterating the whole “two dinners, one shag, what’s going on?” dilemma.

All of which rather begs the question of can we learn something from our seven-year-old selves? My friends and I pondered this question the other evening. There we were, enjoying a quiet Sunday drink when I became very aware of the rather attractive man at the table opposite. Thus begins the dilemma: he kept looking over, but who’s to say it was at me? And what if he was? To go from a look to a smile to maybe forming an actual sentence can be a massive step, especially if you are in a situation where people aren’t obviously out on the pull.

Having been moaning earlier that day about my lack of romantic prospects, my friends were quick to berate me as he wandered off, no words, let alone telephone numbers, having been exchanged. “He clearly fancied you”, they wailed. “Why didn’t you do something?” Frustrated with my inaction, one threatened to charge after him to deliver the immortal line of “my mate fancies you.” Although I managed to stop her with a well-timed shriek of “don’t”, it did get us thinking: Wouldn’t life just be easier if we looked to the playground for a few lessons on pulling?

In many ways we couldn’t help concluding that it would. “My mate fancies you” provides a sanctioned way of making contact with attractive strangers, while getting a friend to do the actual ice-breaking part obliterates much of the nerve-wrecking potential for rejection.

However, many pitfalls remain. They can of course still turn you down, and while grown men are unlikely to do so complete with gagging noises and wails of “no, not her”, the sting of rejection still remains, made all the more acute as it was so obvious what you were after.

A male friend also confessed that he would be tempted to adopt a carpet bombing approach to pulling; saying it to every woman in the bar in the knowledge that at least one was likely to respond positively.

The biggest turn-off of this approach, however, seems to lie in its simplicity. As frustrating as it can be, most of us like the “does he, doesn’t he”, aspect of attraction and surely half the fun of a potential new pull lies in analysing every detail over a girly chat?

Youre reading all your dates signals correctly. Youve avoided seeking approval and trying to force him or her to like you. Youve seen beyond shallow things such as good looks and money, and you dont worry about every aspect of your new relationship.

But youre not out of the dating minefield yet. Disaster could still befall your burgeoning romance if you dont step carefully.

Here UK Net Guide outlines more dating howlers and how to avoid them.

Mind your language

Endless profanity is not appealing (unless your date expresses a liking for such a thing) and nor is casual sexism, which many people can be guilty of without realising it. Men should avoid describing women in derogatory terms like birds and chicks. Women mustnt make generalisations about the opposite sex: Men are all the same!

You cant buy affection

Throwing money at a relationship wont help it blossom. Spending excessive amounts of money on gifts for your new boyfriend/girlfriend will only seem cynical, desperate, or even a bit creepy. It will be all too obvious to your date that youre trying to compensate for a lack real or imagined of charisma or intellect.

Sharing too soon is a no-no

Being a little mysterious will make you more attractive to your new partner and it will help avoid the dating error of opening up too soon. Pouring out your heart and revealing everything you think and feel can be overwhelming for the other person, sometimes even a bit scary.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend wants the challenge of learning about you bit by bit, and he/she doesnt want be feel suffocated by a deluge of information.

Its not an interrogation

Hopefully, your other half will be a little coy, making you work a bit for information about them (see above). Its up to you to ask questions, which shows that youre interested in them. Be careful, however, not to come on too strong, insisting they answer every query fully, no matter how personal. Youre getting to know the person, not pumping them for information. You want to show your interest in your date, and you should encourage him or her by offering snippets of information about yourself.

Dont try to be an entertainer

Unless youre a comedian by trade, youre probably not as funny as you think you are. Being witty is one thing, but acting the clown is another. Not only can it seem boorish and self-centred (youre drawing attention to yourself), it can be downright bewildering or offensive for the other person if they dont share your sense of humour or are simply not in a mood to laugh uproariously.

Watch where you look

Wandering eyes are not appealing to a new date. So keep your eyes on the person you are talking to, and dont take peeks no matter how sneaky at other people whom you might find attractive. You dont have to lock your eyes onto your dates, but look them in the face when you talk to them, and when they speak to you. And men avoid the classic talking to her chest blunder.

Further information

See the UK Net Guide features Dating Mistakes to Avoid, How to Keep Your New Date Interested, First Date Conversation and First Date Style.

While there may be plenty of advice out there about not trying too hard when it comes to trying to romance a member of the fairer sex, nobody ever seems to speak out in favour of the ideal course of action: not trying at all.

Now I don’t mean you should forego a pre-date shower or pick a girl up from her place in a football shirt and sweatpants but rather the bigger and more elaborate the plans are that you make, the more likely it is for things to go wrong and for the night to end in disappointment.

Take the classic ‘dream date’ scenario, a romantic candle-lit dinner.

The stuffy atmosphere and high prices mean that anything less than a perfect meal with fawning service all night long will more than likely lead to a feeling of anti-climax being shared between the pair of you.

Much better I feel to make no real plans concerning the night’s dining but instead to play it by ear.

Before I saw the light I once booked a table for two in one of the best restaurants in the area, keen to impress.

The trouble was, the world and his wife also had the same idea that night, meaning we were crowded into a corner on a table the size of a postage stamp with virtually no elbow room where we were roundly ignored by the over-worked staff all night long.

Given I had made a reservation and this was one of those places where they charged a cancellation fee we could not back out even though we knew what we were in for as soon as we stepped through the door.

And while the food was indeed top-class and the wine was probably the best I have ever had, the night nevertheless seemed like a disappointment simply because we had both set so much stock in it.

My chances with this girl who I never took out again would have been far better had I simply picked her up with no idea where we were going to head to and instead took her out into the night with high hopes but no expectations.

After all, aren’t women always ranking a sense of spontaneity as one of the things they most look for in a man?

While we all know the whole ’sense of humour’ thing is a con, why not take them at their word and save yourself the possibility of forking out a load of money for a night of disappointment.

By Trevor Davis

There comes a time in a fledgling relationship when one or both of you stumble on the slightly insane notion that complete and total honesty with each other is the best policy and you must divulge several of your deepest, darkest secrets. This is a foolish idea for several reasons, and as important as trust is in a relationship, sometimes it really is better to let sleeping dogs lie than to create a suspicious boyfriend who’s always on the lookout for future misdemeanours, all because you felt you ‘just had’ to tell him about that one time at the party with the dubious punch

But in this session of secret-telling – which can, in fact, be a really good thing for a couple and bring you far close to each other – there emerges a topic so fraught with danger that only the most hardened soldier in the war of the sexes carries the equipment to properly compete.

And that’s the ‘magic number’ conversation. When it comes to your boyfriend or girlfriend, there are just some things you’re far better off not knowing. And if your significant other happens to have more conquests than Alexander the Great, maybe it’s best if you never find out. It’s all very well saying ‘better the devil you know’, but if that particular devil could write a guidebook to the seduction techniques of several European nationalities, wouldn’t you rather be left in the dark?

It really shouldn’t matter, of course. As long as you trust your other half and she’s with you at that moment, then who cares what she got up to in her younger days? That kind of optimism would be perfectly adequate if we men weren’t such insecure creatures, ruled entirely by fragile ego and shaky masculinity.

For a start, there’s the awful thought (that a ridiculous part of your brain tries to banish) that your girlfriend might actually have had the temerity to sleep with someone before she met you, rather than remaining as pure as the driven snow until you waltzed into her life. Then there’s the so-childish-it’s-a-wonder-we’re-allowed-to-drive anxieties of comparing yourself to the other men she’s been involved with. And finally there’s the knee-jerk, close-minded response of condemning your girlfriend’s past ‘mistakes’ (even the ones that weren’t), instead of choosing the sensible option of comprehension and appreciating that what she wants right now is to be with you.

Honesty’s a highly suitable ingredient for a successful relationship; there’s no getting around that. But if a little white lie or a little bending of the truth is possible, and it’ll prevent a huge argument without any actual deceit having to be shown, then it’s worth it. There’s the theory espoused in American Pie 2 that if a girl tells you her magic number, then you should multiply it by three to discover the real truth. And for the male equivalent, it’s an amount a third the size, allegedly.

Doctoring the figures is ok, but this theory is still poppycock. For a start, no one’s that good a liar. Secondly, there’s no real kudos to be gained for men by sleeping with enough women to fill a stadium, so inflating one’s number is a fruitless pursuit. Thirdly, any real man should be mature enough to realise that, yes, his girlfriend probably has slept with people other than himself and no, it really doesn’t matterwell, as long as it’s not a figure comparable to Carrie Bradshaw and her Manhattan chums.

I always saw that as the main weakness of that show. In one aspect, it was on the money; independent, empowered women are great role models. On the other hand; the series was populated by emotionally damaged harlots who seem to have slept with enough men to fill Yankee Stadium… surely that’s not what today’s woman should be aspiring to?!?

I only found this out recently, but the pub quiz is the best place to win a man.

All you need to know about a guy what his mates are like, does he have much upstairs, does he drink too much – can be found out just by taking part in a pub quiz.

I found this out, unfortunately on the receiving end.

I had been on two or three proper dates with this guy, when he invited me to his local for the Wednesday night quiz. Well, he didn’t really invite me, one of his mates dropped out and I weaselled my way in.

Anyway he thought it was a good idea and I thought that if he was going to take me to meet his friends then we could be moving from ‘on-off’ to ‘quite steady’. I was preparing to be introduced as his ‘girlfriend’.

Well, I learnt a lot from that night. I learnt that I can get too competitive, drink too much and sulk when things go against me. I also learnt how to lose a guy, but how to put future potential boyfriends under the microscope.

So me and a few mates set up a team, just for the purpose of judging our own and each others men. The quiz itself is a bit of a laugh too.

My first friend brought along a guy called Nick to the lions den. He seemed to know his music and sport categories we usually fail in and I was up for bringing him back just because we might win. However, under the pressure of the quiz he showed his true colours.

I immediately took control of the answer sheet a little too domineering for all our tastes. His control freakery continued as his answer was always the last answer. We all agreed that Harry Webb was Michael Caine’s real name but he said he knew it was Cliff Richard so that would be our answer. OK, he was right, but that’s not the point.

Then later on when the quiz master said Inter Milan lost the 2005 Champions League final, Nick was the first to stand up and tell him he was an idiot as “obviously” it was AC Milan. I didn’t know the answer but we did know we wouldn’t see that loser again.

The first guy I took to the quiz was Steve. He knew his stuff across all the categories but didn’t tell us. He kept saying, “Well it could be Michael Schumacher” or “Maybe, Abba, but I’m not sure.”

Of course, he knew but he didn’t have the nerve to say so, as if confidence was a sin. I pretty soon realised if I got with him I’d be choosing his underwear for the next 40 years. Also annoyingly after the quiz when the answers came in all he could mumble was “Yeah, that’s what I said”.

But that wasn’t as bad as the guy Dan who just shouted out the answers all the way through. He knew his general knowledge but did not understand the concept of a quiz. The childishness was a little endearing but after four rounds it was annoying.

So far, I haven’t won my man at the pub quiz yet, but I have gone home with a bottle of champagne. My friend Emily, however, won the grand prize she pulled the quiz master, who was under our noses all along.

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Speed dating events give participants the chance to cut their losses and meet lots of potential dates in one go. In a world where time is limited and first impressions count, speed dating can seem like an obvious solution for an alternative night out.

There are events organised up and down the country and for people of all ages, races and sexual orientations. Whether its same sex dating, millionaire dating or Catholic dating – there is something out there on the speed dating calendar for everyone.

What to expect

Speed dating has grown steadily in popularity over the past few years – all women (and perhaps some men) remember the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda went to a speed dating night and posed as an air stewardess – and events can be found in most cities on a regular basis.

The premise is that by meeting several potential matches in one evening, daters are more likely to find a match. Some people say it’s like having a series of short dates in one night.

In its most basic format, speed dating sees women take a seat while men – like old fashioned gents – rotate around the tables at intervals of around three to five minutes.

A bell or gong will ring to let partners know when to switch tables. This gives each person just long enough to reveal a few key details about themselves and judge (usually in the blink of an eye) whether or not they want to pursue a relationship.

Seconds out

With a limited time to impress your partner before the bell rings, preparation is key for the serious dater.

Having a pre-arranged list of questions to ask your date can be a good place to start. Think about the kind of person you’d like to meet and the answers you’d like them to give.

However, don’t get bogged down with asking all the questions in your head and try to avoid mentally ticking boxes against your partner. It’s usually best to go with flow; and that includes the flow of wine.

As most speed dating events take place in bars and clubs, a touch of Dutch courage is actively encouraged. Do avoid drinking too much though, as it’s probably not the best look for snaring a second date.

The most important thing to remember is to be yourself – Miranda wasn’t an air stewardess and you’re not a farmer with a small-holding in Hampshire if you’re really called Dave and work in the City.

Following up a date

Most speed dating events are organised by dating firms with an online presence. This means that after the event singles can ‘meet up’ over the internet, swap emails and potentially arrange a second date.

The second meeting will, obviously, be based on how well the first one went. However, it is important to bear in mind that the five-minute connection felt on the speed dating event might not be quite the same in the cold light of day.

If this happens, just remember that speed dating is usually regarded as a bit of a fun by those who take part. If you do end up starting a relationship after a round of speed dating, that’s a bonus, but half the fun is experiencing something new and seeking solace in the fact that there are plenty of single people out there all keen to meet a match.

By Catherine Portland

Get over your Ex! UK Net Guide’s Online Dating Search can help you find that perfect someone!

Why do we do it! You’ve broken up with him, happily moving on from the fiend or loser, but after a boozy chance meeting, you end up getting too close and too comfortable. The dreaded ex-factor!

After all the pain of the break-up, it seems some of us can’t help but extend the tenderness by jumping into the sack with an ex.

It’s easily done and understandable for many reasons. If you went out with him once, there was probably a reason for the attraction and this will still remain. My friend Louis was a serial ex-er, and the reason she gave was that she loved skinny blokes and all her ex-boyfriends were skinny.

Usually the reason is a bit deeper than this, but the original charm shines through with the ex and somehow after a drink and a month apart – the fact he was a lying creep who never paid for anything, nicked your best CDs and never called you is forgotten.

In the bedroom, the charm of the ex can also make you forget his being a twat. You have basically road tested him – so if he is rubbish in the sack, then you can be pretty sure he hasn’t improved in his new life as a singleton. However, if he rang your bell, you know he will know which buttons to press.

One thing to be careful about with letting the ex the ex back into the bedroom, is that it could be hard to get him out.

On my one brief ex encounter, I woke up in the morning with the customary hangover and found coffee waiting for me. I thanked James for the drink and he went. I got up, showered, got ready for Hollyoaks to find him cooking breakfast, which was a mystery, as I had no bacon in the house and couldn’t have been drunk enough to shop. I realised he’d gone out and come back. I told him politely: “Thanks for breakfast. Make yourself a sandwich and go. And leave the keys.” I went back to bed with bacon and eggs and a chuckle.

At least, if they do hang around, with an ex you know his little tricks for trying to hang around, so you can get him out on his ear after the deed – or deeds – is done.

Another danger of the ex, is heading back too soon. If the break-up is too fresh in the memory, then a return can be a little too painful or desperate.

So what to do? You’re in the club across the dance floor you see the ex. Just steer clear. Maybe play the tease and destroy his chance of pulling. Maybe take him home, but get rid of him once you’ve had your wicked way.

By Catharine Portland –

At the risk of sounding like one of mayor Ken Livingstone’s latest poster campaigns, I love London. I’ve lived here since I left university and can honestly say I feel at home here. However, I’m no sadist and occasionally I will admit that the grime and selfish individualism of the place can get me down, which is why this weekend I was more than happy to accept an invitation to a friend’s new house in the country.

Yes, I’ve finally reached that age where my friends are starting to migrate to the countryside, or at least the suburban sprawl of the home counties. After a near-decade spent sharing dodgy kebabs and over-priced mini cabs, socialising with some of them has become an altogether more grown-up experience, involving train timetables and dinky suitcases on wheels.

Invariably those that have embarked on the great London exodus have done so as part of a couple, motivated by idealistic visions of romantic walks across fields and that phrase not yet in my vocabulary: “good local schools”. The particular pair I’m seeing this weekend decided virtually from their first date that they would eventually move to the countryside together; in fact the appeal of the rural idyll is one of the things that first drew them together.

Few would deny that for long-term happiness, a couple needs to desire a similar lifestyle and the issue of where to live can make or break or a relationship. I discovered this for myself when I briefly moved in with a committed city-phobe. He may not have worn a Barbour jacket but his soul was in his Wellingtons and from the onset it was clear that we were heading for a major lifestyle clash.

You know how weekend tourists look when you see them around the tube, slightly overwhelmed and confused by everything? Well that was him all the time. He became convinced that he was going to be mugged or harassed if he left the street, moaned constantly that our flat was too small, despite me explaining over and over again about London house prices, and of course complained about how unfriendly everyone is although I did point out that if he stopped viewing everyone like a potential mugger they may be a little less hostile.

Needless to say, this became another relationship chalked up to “irreconcilable differences”. It did cause me a little pause for thought, however, especially when friends started making the inevitable country mouse and town mouse jokes. The ex implied that there was something slightly deviant about me for liking the city too much; that I was too hard, too cynical. And of course in Aesop’s Fables the town mouse is a bit of an idiot he’s a snob, he’s superficial and ultimately his town-dwelling existence is unsafe and unpredictable. So am I missing out on some idealistic existence by remaining rooted in the East End? Perhaps I should use this weekend to try the country on for size

To be continued.

When men hit the notorius oft-talked about mid life crisis, along with the earring, bright red ferrari and frightening Donal Trump style comb-over, usually comes a much younger, stunning model girlfriend.

All the trappings of the male mid-life crisis are the stuff scornful ridicule and laughter the world over. That is, all except the stunning, younger model. When an ageing older man with his sagging flesh and a bulging wallet parades his newly acquired model girlfriend, he is lauded as a hero.

You’d think he had just discovered the panacea for HIV/Aids and all of the world’s ills. He is acknowledged as a hero by bagging the gorgeous younger women who is frequently young enough to be his grand-daughter. When he was her age, she was nothing but a fond thought.

And boy does he parade her. To every function, every outing, there she is. A badge of honour, a human testament to his masculine prowess. Another proud addition to his booty, the spoils of war and conquest.

But turn the tables, if you will as consider the older man as an older woman. Now, I don’t exactly have sagging orange tanned flesh, but let’s face it, I’m no spring chicken either. We all know the age old sexual double standard is alive and well but I was given an abrupt injection of reality and reminded in no uncertain terms that not only is it still alive and well, but it is gospel and will not go away.

My friends and I were discussing the issue lately and one of my girlfriends was giving serious thought to the possibility of dating someone ten years her juniour. And to be honest, I was flirting with the possibilty also.

She constantly laments the dearth of decent men out their on the dating scene because all of them our age are usually married and it’s a very unpalatable truth. So in an attemp to discover more possibilities, she decided to lower her age bracket.

She told us that she had started ’semi-dating’ a university student. Her announcement, to my shock and surprise, was met with resounding scorn and disapproval – not only from the men but from the women as well!

Apparently, it is perfectly OK for a man to dating a women 20 or 30 years younger than him, but if a women so much as looks at a man only ten years younger than she is, then she is a dirty cradle snatcher.

I was aghst that mature and intelligent women, who at university were the most militant feminists you could ever have the displeasure of meeting, were totally complicit in this unfair sexual double standard. They all made it very clear that is was highly unbecoming for a 30 year-old woman to date anyone so much as three years her juniour.

Forget the unstability in the world’s finacial markets, the dating market for us 30 somethings is far more volatile and cut-throat. Which makes it even more surprising that women are not able to allow themselves the posibility of dating younger men who usually don’t have the pretensions, insecurities and dated ideals that their 30 and 40 year-old counterparts have. The ones that are actually available that is.

45-year-old former ER star George Clooney plans to foil the Hollywood gossip machine by going out with a different famous actress every night for three months, and has even suggested he may ‘date’ fellow sex symbol Leonardo di Caprio in a bid to deflect attention from his true private life.

Fed up with celebrity magazines publishing pictures and speculating on his love life, Clooney believes the scam would be a sure-fire way to stop gossip hungry readers believing everything that was printed.

“You know, Halle Berry one night, Salma Hayek the next, and then walk on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio,” he joked in the November issue of Vanity Fair.

“People would still buy the magazines, they’d still buy the pictures, but they would always go, ‘I don’t know if these guys were putting us on or not.’”

Continuing on the sexually ambivalent theme, Clooney then proceeded to rave about fellow actor Clive Owen: “He’s, like, a man there’s a sexuality and a masculinity that I think is really interesting.”

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